The Wild Inside Her

If you were diagnosed with ADHD later in life, there’s a good chance your first reaction wasn’t shock.

It was relief.

And then grief.
And maybe anger.
And confusion.
And a quiet, unsettling question: Who am I now?

Late diagnosis doesn’t happen because you weren’t struggling.
It happens because you were coping.

Missed Because We Managed

As girls and young women we were missed because we learned to manage, cope and mask what we had to to feel included, ‘normal’, and try to meet the expectations set upon us, while we suffered in silence thinking we were not good enough, not capable, and not what we ‘should’ be.

Many late-diagnosed women spent decades holding everything together.

You learned how to over-prepare.
How to people-please.
How to stay quiet about overwhelm.
How to turn anxiety into productivity.
How to mask exhaustion with capability.

From the outside, you looked functional. Maybe even successful.
Inside, everything felt harder than it should.

That doesn’t mean you failed. It means you adapted. You found a way, even if it took everything you had.

The Emotional Whiplash of Late Diagnosis

Late diagnosis often brings layered emotions that can exist all at once:

Relief that there’s finally an explanation.

Grief for the years you struggled without support

Anger at being misunderstood or overlooked

Shame for internalizing “laziness” or “not trying hard enough”

And really there is no right way to process these feelings. There is no timeline for healing. It’s an ongoing journey we all navigate in our own way.

Yet we also meet and walk together along the way. Finding community and connection with each other, (because we are really the only ones who can truly understand.)

We are allowed to mourn what could have been and move forward at the same time.

Your Coping Skills Were Never Your Personality

One of the hardest shifts after diagnosis is realizing that many things you thought were “just who you are” were actually survival strategies.

Perfectionism.
Overworking.
Hyper-independence.
Over-explaining. Over analyzing.
People pleasing.

Always giving more than you had to give. Draining your battery with a smile.

These weren’t flaws.
They were protection.

And now that you have clarity, you get to choose which ones you still need — and which ones you can gently release.

What Actually Helps After a Late Diagnosis

This phase of life isn’t about fixing yourself.
It’s about supporting yourself.

Here are some practical, realistic shifts that truly help:

Externalize your brain
Your mind isn’t meant to hold everything. Use lists, notes, reminders, timers, visual cues — not as crutches, but as accommodations.

Reduce steps, not expectations of yourself
If something feels impossible, make it simpler. Fewer steps. Fewer decisions. Less friction.

Build systems for bad days
Don’t design your life for motivation and energy. Design it for exhaustion, overwhelm, and low-capacity days.

Let your pace change
Slower doesn’t mean falling behind. It means listening, trusting and being kind to yourself. Navigate in a way that works for you.

Stop measuring yourself by neurotypical timelines
Your progress will never be linear — and it doesn’t need to be. We have a beautiful chaos inside to nurture and support. Once we harness and embrace this power within ourselves – we begin to live a life we were meant to live. We can do, think and see things typicals can not and that is a gift. God gave us an ADHD mind on purpose. It was not a mistake, we are not broken, we are designed this way for a reason.

The Identity Shift Is Normal

A late diagnosis often comes with an identity unravelling.

You may question past choices.
You may grieve versions of yourself.
You may feel unsure about who you are becoming.

This is all part of the process.

This is you breaking open the cacoon and learning to fly with your new wings. A little wobbly at first perhaps, but you’ll find a way to soar and when you do you will never be the same.

You’re not starting over — you’re finally understanding the precious wild within yourself with compassion instead of criticism.

Finding Your Gifts

While you may have been feeling lost most of your life, finding out you have ADHD finally gives you a treasure map to discover the unique gifts you learned to hide long ago. This is your time to explore the unruly terrain and dig up those quirky parts that didn’t seem to fit before. Do any of these sound familiar?

• Creativity – Generate unique, out-of-the-box ideas. Quickly learn new skills and hobbies.
• Hyperfocus – Deeply concentrate on what matters to you. Learn new things rapidly.
• Energy – Bring enthusiasm and zest to everything you do.
• Resilience – Adapt and problem-solve in challenging situations.
• Curiosity – Always exploring new ideas and experiences.
• Spontaneity – Add fun, adventure, and surprise to life.
• Empathy – Connect deeply and understand others’ emotions.
• Quick Thinking – Calmly and effectively respond in intense situations.
• Thriving in Fast-Paced Environments – Perform well under pressure, chaos or rapid change.
• Creative Problem-Solving – See solutions others might miss.
• Originality – Resist conformity and carve your own path.
• Passion – Channel strong drive into what matters to you.

Gentle Reminders to Come Back To

When the self-doubt creeps in, come back to these truths:

• You didn’t fail — you survived
• Needing help now doesn’t erase your strength, it empowers you to thrive not just survive.
• Late diagnosis doesn’t mean you’re behind, you are becoming. It means you finally have the language and knowledge to care for yourself properly. And that matters
• You are not that lost little girl anymore, you are a strong and courageous woman. You have the power to create positive changes in your life and design a life you love.
• You don’t need to earn rest, you deserve rest.
• This chapter gets to be softer and kinder to your heart and soul.

You are not alone in this — and you never were. We have all felt isolated in the darkness of our own mind, not knowing there were others out there that felt the same way.

Diagnosis, treatment, and knowledge light the way towards a new understanding, a new hope, a new sense of self. Turning the page and beginning the next chapter of our story.

I’m not saying there will be no more hard days, there will be. You will still find obstacles along the way. There will be mountains (mountains of laundry am I right?!) you need to climb and rocks on your path (thank you perimenopause) and force you to navigate differently. But you will, because that’s what you do. It’s what you have always done. Only now you have a pack of supplies, a compass and a lantern to guide your way.

When we intentionally find our strength within, when we embrace our truth and believe in ourselves – we take off the mask, we light the shadows and we find the path we meant to walk.

We may still wander sometimes – but we are no longer lost.